She Knew He Was There

This guest post comes to you straight from the beautiful imagination of Anna Blair. She is my neighbor, friend, coworker, and sometime leader of our ladies bible class. When I'm lucky she shares her banana nut bread, when I'm extra lucky she shares her unique fiction.  Join us for a dive into what might have been. ~Helene

"Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." -- Matthew 9:22

She knew he was there. If I can get to him, she thought, and touch his cloak-- She pushed the rest of the thought away knowing it would be difficult enough just getting to him. Pleading voices called his name, begging hands reached toward him and when one fell away, three more took his place. The crowd, she thought, the crowd was crushing inward while the filthy stench of sweat saturated the air. It was hard to breathe; hard to think without panicking. I must not give up, she told herself pushing closer, edging around one who seemed to be listening to something. He is the answer; he is the one who can take away my pain. 

For twelve years she had suffered pain - life crippling pain without relief. Many had tried to heal her, asking for much, and she had given all they had demanded only to be left with empty excuses. When the last treatment had finished, almost killing her, she knew she could take no more. When everything had seemed so dark and hopeless she had heard a whisper, a rumor of a man who could heal all. He could do miracles, they said. He was sent by God, they said. In the beginning she thought it was only a tale, one spread to fill the empty hours, but then she began to hear more and more about him. 

If it is true, she thought, then perhaps he can heal me. So selling the clothes on her back and the sandals on her feet she had traveled, following the tales of his miracles and guided by the words from his parables. The more she heard, the stronger her belief became. Could he really be sent from God, she had wondered lying awake at night, the bleeding ache robbing her of sleep. Did God really care that much about people? About her?

She could see nothing, just the shoulders and heads of those around her, but there was a change, the crowd stilled. What was happening, she wondered. Was he healing someone? What was he saying? She tried to listen for his voice, but it was muffled by distance. I must get closer she determined, but the crowd was so tight. There were so many people. Every time she tried to move, she found her way blocked by another body. He was close, so close and yet it seemed impossible to reach him. Suddenly the direction of the mob changed and she realized he was leaving. No, she wanted to scream, not yet. 

"Please," she pleaded to those around her. "I must see him, please" Her words fell on deaf ears and she was shoved back farther and farther away. 

"No!" She cried out and consumed with the thought of just touching him and being healed she pushed her way through. 

Suddenly he was there, she could see his back. Now, she told herself and reached out. Her arm was too short, he was too far away but then she felt it. The rough fabric of his cloak, just the edge and she gasped. The pain, her suffering, was gone. 

"Who touched me?" he asked stopping. The words chilled her to the bone and snatched away the joy of relief. Others around her began to deny they had and quickly pulled back. His disciples tried to reason with him.

"Master the people are crowding and pressing against you," the one they called Peter said. She waited, holding her breath wondering if he would believe his answer. 

"Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out of me." The great healer started looking among the crowd, searching the faces. He is looking for me, she realized. He knows I am the one unworthy of such a gift. Trembling she drew forth from the crowd and threw herself at his feet. With fear in her heart she told him her story, of all that had happened and all that she had suffered. Strangers were staring, she knew. The crowd was listening, judging her words and actions, but it was his judgment she feared the most. Keeping her head lowered she stared at his dust covered feet without really seeing them. Would he take it all back she asked herself as she told him the truth. Would he remove the miracle she had received by touching his cloak? When she had finished, she waited knowing that the words he spoke would be her judgment. What would he demand from her as payment? 

"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace," he answered and then was quickly pulled away, swallowed back up among the masses. Her faith, her belief in this man, the one they called the Son of God had healed her. She watched as the crowd moved on, a slow smile spreading across her face.  

"I am healed," she whispered watching him disappear. "I am healed."  

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -- Hebrews 11:1