Friday, January 24, 2014

What's Best for Him

I love my husband desperately.  This became clearer than ever when he made a recent business trip overseas. Finding out that six days was going to turn into ten, I cried bitter tears.  It was foolish, but I couldn't help it.  I need him that much.  The days leading up to his return found me thinking of what I could do to make his homecoming great. Cleaning my bedroom was a monumental task. (Ask Helene; she helped). I made sure the sweet tea had the massive amount of sugar he loves.  When he finally arrived at eleven at night, I went to the car to greet him in the subfreezing temperatures.  I love my husband, and I wanted home to be a place of peace and happiness for him.  

Then I realized something. My goal should be a peaceful and happy home for him every day, not just when he's gone. Not only that, but there are more things I can do to ensure that home is a peaceful than cleaning a bedroom and making super sweet tea.  I can follow the Biblical pattern for marriage that God has given us.  My Handsome Geek doesn't need sweet tea.  He needs a helper. 

From the very beginning, woman was created to be a helper (Genesis 2:18-22). However, when I try to be helpful without reference to the will of God, the results are likely to be as disastrous as offering my husband the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3:6).   The Bible is clear that I am to be a submissive helper.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything(Ephesians 5:22-24, emphasis mine).

"In everything" are two very powerful words.  That means I don't have "my domain." Sometimes that can be a hard pill for me to swallow.  For instance, I should not make him my helper in parenting.  There have been times when I've thought he's been too hard on the kids and tried to assist by telling him all I think I know about parenting.  Then when he took his business trip, I realized that my children need someone to be hard on them at times, in just the way he does.  My son's behavior took a nosedive when his Daddy was gone.  True helping would have been standing by his side and supporting  his decisions.

Submission is one of those hard subjects, perhaps because it is so hard to do!  It seems to me that when we fuss about submission, it's because we are thinking about ourselves. We don't want to think of ourselves as the "assistant.  I've been quick to point out that it's easier for me to be submissive if he is doing his job by loving me as Christ loved the church. I've moaned about how hard it is to submit because of my personality.  I've even thought (quietly) that if he would just agree with me, I wouldn't have to struggle with submission at all.  

What if I thought about him instead?  It is best for him if I submit. When I step back from my compulsion to control the household, it leaves him free to be the leader God intended him to be.  When I seek his counsel on even every day decisions, he feels respected which boosts his confidence to new levels.  Following the pattern God laid out for me makes peace with everyone around me, especially my family.  I love my husband. I bet those of you who are married love yours too.  Do we want what is best for him?  If we did, we would be the kind of helper he truly needs instead of the one we think we should be.   

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE(R), Copyright(c) 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. 

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