Competency: What it takes to raise a Proverbs 31 girl

If you could sum the Proverbs 31 lady up in one word what would it be?  

My daughter drew a series of illustrations to sum her up.  There was one of her sewing with a sewing machine - a bit anachronistic but I got the idea and one of her selling the clothes she made.  There were pictures of her cooking, giving instructions, and one with her own child.

Her illustrations matched the one word in my mind.  Competent.

That lady could do stuff!  In fact, if we start considering the women of God one by one we’ll come up with lots of competent ladies.  Wise ladies (Deborah), warrior ladies (Jael), hostesses (Junia, Lydia and the mother of John Mark) poets (Hannah), dancers (Miriam), hard workers (Ruth), brave women (the auntie), and women who were steeped in the word (Huldah, Anna, Priscilla).

Competence is greatly undervalued in women.  Our culture values brashness, beauty, silliness, and ambition.  Our churches value social skill, and the roles of a wife and mother.  But when is the last time you heard someone say, “Mrs. Michelson! That lady can speak three languages and she is always down at the ESL center helping out!  How godly.” Or “Don’t you love how Mrs. Jones and her daughters spend a week each summer working with Habitats for Humanity?”

We love to encourage our girls.  We bandy about words like self-esteem and growth mindset thinking if we apply enough praise of the right type at the right moment, we’ll have strong and godly girls.  But let me suggest a different path.

Let’s teach our girls to do stuff.  And then to use their skills to honor the Lord.  Let’s teach them to clean and cook and sew and craft. Let’s teach them to garden, camp, blog and refinish upholstery.  Let’s let them go to language camp, teach them sign language, and learn a martial art.

And above all else let’s teach our girl's Bible.

When I started at Harding University they were starting a new major: “Vocational Ministry.”  It was a second major and had to be paired with a non-Bible major. The purpose was to provide Bible major level study to future deacons, elders, and vocational ministers.  But also to future Sunday School teachers, mothers and wives. I jumped at the chance. And although I didn’t have all the same classes, I got much the same education as my Bible major husband.  

The things I learned to this day effect my study, my writing, my ministry, my life.  That BIble education was priceless. I promise my teacher’s time wasn’t wasted because I am not a preacher.

Our girls need to learn Bible.  We must not for a moment imagine that their purview is simply the verses on “women’s role.”  Or the Proverbs 31 lady we mentioned before. Our girls need to memorize the books of the Bible, recite verses, memorize outlines, and learn what exegesis means.  They need wise mentors who can disciple them into strong, practical, competent followers of Jesus. And they need to start now. 4 is not too young and 12 is not too late. (Subscribe here and get a semester of free theology curriculum for tweens!)

When we look backwards to see how we want our girls to be, we are often painfully short sighted.  We look back to some idyllic and imaginary time when women all stayed home, rocked babies and waited quietly for their men to come home.  Not only is that image all wrong (those women were more than competent in their own sphere) but it simply doesn’t look back far enough. The women of the Bible were neither fainting violets, simpering idiots, nor brainless chatter boxes.  They were judges, evangelists, business women, hard workers, women of powerful wisdom.

May each one of us be about the business of teaching our girls to be the same.

Summer Devotional Series-Rainbows

Ever had a tough Sunday morning? Or like me is EVERY Sunday morning a tough one?  Could you use a little help getting your mind focused on God instead of on finding "church clothes," locating that missing shoe, or taming the kids' hair?  I have just the thing.  Every Sunday morning this summer before your first cup of coffee I will send you a short devotional (just like the one you're about to read).  Each one takes about 5 minutes to read, includes two scriptures and some practical thoughts.  Each one is designed to help you get ready to worship the Lord.  Want to join us?  Subscribe here!

Another Summer of Devotionals

This morning on my Facebook memories there was a quote from my then 12 old daughter over morning devotionals.

Me: Why do we fold our hands when we pray?

Daughter: Because the grown-ups don’t want us to do anything naughty while their eyes are closed.

Me: (Crickets chirp in the stunned silence)

I laughed, hit the share button, and remembered that summer is almost here and it's time that we start summer devos again.  

We’ve been doing this every summer since my younger daughter was four (read about our faltering start).  It’s more than just a habit, it’s a pleasure. When school is in, we study Bible as an academic subject, but when school is out, it would be easy for Bible study to fall behind.  

This summer my girls will turn 10 and 17.  And every morning, as soon as breakfast is over, even before we clear the plates and do the dishes, we recite whatever verses we are working on memorizing, read a short passage of scripture together and talk about what comes up.  Our school year Bible study focuses on learning; our summers focus on becoming.

We’ve done Daniel and worked through Colossians (both of which are available to you free online Daniel / Colossians).  This summer we are focusing on what it means to be a woman of God. We’ll be looking at Deborah, Hannah, Jael, Miriam, Huldah, Ruth and Esther.  Then turning to the New Testament we will talk about Mary, Mary and Martha, Mary Magdalene, Lydia, Phoebe, and Priscilla.

This isn’t spiritually easy ground.  We’ll discuss the ethics of violence in Jael’s story and our own ethics as we progress in Tae Keon Do.  We’ll work on when it is right to lead and when we should submit with Deborah, Huldah, and Miriam. We’ll talk about courage from the perspective of Mary and Mary Magdalene.  And what it means to be both a female evangelist with Priscilla’s story. We’ll talk about loyalty, God’s and ours with Ruth and Esther. And we are going to learn about prayer, poetry and “reversal of fortune” with Hannah and Mary.  I hope to share some insights with you as we go along.

It’s going to be a wonderful summer.  This is my last full summer to have my eldest home.  Soon after her 17th birthday, she’ll head off to the University of Wyoming.  But for these last precious days, the three of us girls will take that 10 minutes in the morning to have devotionals.  Take the chance to listen to my girls, to hear their hearts and know their minds. To recite God’s word with them and think about His story together.  Time goes so fast and for us summer devos are priceless.

If you are looking for Bible study material for your own kids, you are welcome to use our online material on Daniel or Colossians or we have an entire semester's worth of FREE curriculum just for our subscribers!  Subscribe here!

Theology is for Girls Too!

I was not a particularly charming child. Yet, the minister at our church, Clay Woods, and his wife Karen took a very grandparently interest in me.  I was as awkward and gawky as could be.  But they saw this love for studying about God in me and thought it well worth cultivating. 

7 Ways to Develop Thankfulness in Your Kids

With Thanksgiving around the corner, kids are making turkeys traced from their fingers and scribbling their blessings on it.  Our whole country for a few short weeks focuses on the reasons we have to be thankful.  As parents we want more for our kids then a week’s worth of gratitude.  We want them to understand and be grateful everyday for all the blessings in their lives.  But how?  

Today, I have 7 tips for Christian parents to help their kids develop thankfulness in their daily lives. 

That time I was expecting...

When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I was the size of a land barge.  At 6 months pregnant, strangers would stop me on the street and ask me when I was due, true story.  When I told them that it would be 3 more months, they'd say, "3 more months!  Are you SURE its not twins!"

It was disheartening.  

Recently I discovered that publishing a book is kinda like that.  

At first I didn't want to tell anyone.  I was a little embarrassed and very afraid that I wasn't good enough or the idea wasn't good enough or the book wasn't good enough.  Are you sensing a theme?  And just like when we were having a baby, my husband was proud as punch and wanted to tell EVERYONE.

And gestating a book is hard work.  It is absorbing and for a little while everything else fades into a weird blur.  Finally 3 or 4 months in you come out of your haze and begin to see the world clearly again. 

Then comes the wait.  Will the book be published?  When will the book be published?  What should you call it? (Women of Action went so long without a name that if it had been a real baby, it would have been child abuse.)  What will it look like?  What should we do to get ready?
Everyone you know starts to say things like, "Hasn't that book been published yet?!"  "Aren't you ever going to get that book?"

Then finally the big day arrives.  You feel all happy and satisfied.  Unfortunately, you did not anticipate the fact that having a book is all consuming.  Every waking hour (and some hours that are positively unholy) you're writing content, sending emails, addressing envelopes, and trying to figure out the Wyoming tax code.  

Suddenly it's all over.  And your baby is all grown up and off into the world for everyone to look at and blame or praise you for its problems.  

See just like a baby!  

Well, ladies, this mama of two beautiful girls and one little book is off to take a shower and maybe a nap.  You enjoy these last 2 days of launch week.  Remember all the bonuses end tomorrow at midnight so if you wanted to order do it soon! 

                                                                       

Is Theology for Kids? Andy's Story

I wrote this weeks ago.  I had no idea then that the atmosphere in America would take such an ugly shift.  I considered letting this post wait a week or two for things to settle down but I couldn't. Consider this my quiet statement in the storm of shouts: "We are ALL made in the image of God Almighty." 


Is theology for kids?  Isn't it a dusty subject more suitable for seminaries and Bible colleges?  It's not for Sunday School or my kid at bedtime, or is it?  As an answer I'd like to tell you a story about Andy. 

This is Andy.

 

Bearing With One Another

Devotional 8 focuses on bearing with one another.  This devotional, like the others, is timed for less than 10 minutes, but feel free to slow down if your kids are older or have a longer attention span.  Parents your notes are in italics.  Happy studying!

Bearing with one another

To Do:  Like last week if the children have fully memorized their work ask them if they'd like to share it with someone.  It could be a family member, aunt, uncle, grandparents.  You could use the phone or Skype.  Or locally a favorite grandparent figure at church, a Sunday School teacher or your minister might be someone they'd like to share with.  Don't forget to start this week's devotional by re-reading the verses Colossians 3:12-14.

Questions to Ask:

What does it mean to "bear with" someone?  Don't be surprised if they don't know!  "Bearing with" someone simply means to put up with someone, to be patient, to be tolerant with them.

If "Bearing with one another" means be patient, why does Paul tells us the same thing twice?  Answers might include: It's really hard.  It's really important.  And that they have slightly different meanings (one is the idea of being patient in general and the other is being patient with someone who is different, difficult or annoying).

Who do you have to work hard to bear with?  Help kids focus on behavior or people who are hard to deal with but not necessarily sinning against them.  

What do you do that others have to bear with? This is a great time to help kids see that they can be annoying to their parents or siblings!

Who did Jesus bear with? 

Think of a situation where someone was doing something annoying.  What did you do?  What could you have done? What would be "bearing with" them?  Answers might be something like: "I hate it when my brother hums, especially first thing in the morning.  He's such a morning person.  I think that's annoying.  Often I shout at him to shut up.  Instead I could ignore it.  Bearing with him would be to either make my feelings known in a nice way or just not worry about it!"

Insights: 

In a family there are innumerable ways that people can rub each other the wrong way without actually doing anything wrong.  Add kids into the mix and the ways double.  Humming, tapping, and chewing; leaving underwear on the floor,  leaving the butter out, leaving shoes in the doorway; the way the toothpaste is squeezed, the time to leave for church, the best way to do...anything!  

Have you ever considered the spiritual aspects of dealing with these simple but annoying issues? 

When God places us in a family, He is giving us the opportunity to grow.  To put others first.  To demonstrate patience.  To learn to love others.  In other words He is offering us the chance to be like Him.  Like a rock being tumbled in a stream, the small annoyances and little problems are knocking off our rough edges and allowing us to shine in humility for the Lord. 



Did you miss one? 


The "Why" Matters, Identity Matters, Compassion Matters, Kindness Matters, Humility Matters, Gentleness Matters, Patience Matters, Bearing with One Another Matters, Forgiveness Matters

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Patience Matters

Devotional 7 focuses on patience.  This devotional, like the others, is timed for less than 10 minutes, but feel free to slow down if your kids are older or have a longer attention span.  Parents your notes are in italics.  Happy studying!






Patience Matters

To Do: With only two lessons after this, the kids should be very close to having the verses down pat.  If they are ready, encourage to share them their memory work and their favorite lesson with a grandparent or a Sunday School teacher.  Feeling the approval and encouragement of other adult Christians is crucial to a child's continued spiritual development.  Even if the verses are memorized continue to recite them as a reminder.


Questions to Ask:

When do you have to wait?  Answers might include-the bus, when mom is shopping, after church, at the doctor's, and for Christmas. Be sure and help your child identify times when patience is very difficult for them, for instance when a parent is on the phone, when they are waiting on their turn, and when they are tempted to interrupt.

Is it hard to wait?  Why?  Waiting is even harder for kids than it is for adults.  They have less of a sense of the way time passes and little experience with the fact that all waiting eventually comes to a end.  Learning to wait is in part developmental, in part training, and in part a spiritual exercise in patience.

What does it mean to be patient? Is the only time we have to be patient when we wait?  Other examples of extending patience include being patient with a younger sibling/cousin and being patient with peers at play or in class, being patient with adults who sometimes have difficulty understanding or relating. 

Who is patient with you?  Who is impatient?  As parents we are often loathe to ask our kids questions that reflect on our parenting.  Yet from this our children learn that parents are worthy of respect even when they make mistakes and they see how to be humble, repent, and accept correction.  

How is God patient with us? As adults we may understand this complexly but children may confused. Remind them that God is angry when people hurt each other but He waits and gives us a chance to repent.  Another tack would be to remind them of the story of Adam and Eve.  Although they deserved immediate death, God allowed their punishment to be delayed many years so they could establish the human race.


Insights:

When James calls us all to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, he is illustrating patience (James 1:19). He knows that having this kind of self-control not only over our tongue and ears but over our hearts is the essence of patience. Yet note these verses do not say, "Well, they're just little.  There's nothing you can do.  Kid's will be kids."  Especially in the training of our children, we have to be patient but active.  Listening carefully is crucial, however after we listen we need to discipline.  Considering our words is vital, but we must speak and correct our children.  We should be slow to become angry, yet children need us to pay attention and adjust their behavior so they can grow healthy, happy and strong.

When we consider "patience" as a virtue, we most often ask: Are we patient with our children? Yet our children also observe our patience or lack of patience with others.  For instance how do we drive?  With grace and etiquette or do we shout and snarl at those around us?  How do we wait in line?  What do they see when we are inconvenienced or slowed by those around us?  Our behavior informs their's.

Impatience is a sign not only of a lack of self-control but of self-absorption.  We are impatient because deep inside we believe we are the most important thing going!


Did you miss one? 

The "Why" Matters, Identity Matters, Compassion Matters, Kindness Matters, Humility Matters, Gentleness Matters, Patience Matters, Bearing with One Another Matters, Forgiveness Matters

Gentleness Matters

Devotional 6 focuses on gentleness.  This devotional, like the others, is timed for less than 10 minutes, but feel free to slow down if your kids are older or have a longer attention span.  Parents your notes are in italics.  Happy studying!

Gentleness Matters

To Do:

Read Colossians 3:1-4.  Say the verses aloud once or twice. If you and the kids aren't getting close to being able to say the verses, try saying them twice a day, just before bed, or every time you get in the car.  Then read Colossians 3:12-14.

Questions to Ask: 

Is gentleness just for little girls?  Who needs to be gentle and when?  Whether you have boys or girls doing devotionals with you this is a very important time to make it clear that gentleness is not a feminine characteristic but a robustly human characteristic.  Gentleness (in the sense of physically being delicate, exacting, and precise) is needed in many professions: welders, golfers, surgeons, pediatricians, scientists, computer engineers, clock makers, archaeologists, chefs, florists, carpenters, veterinarians  and mechanics. This is a good time if the kids know what they want to be when they grow up to ask them and how gentleness might play a part.

Was Jesus gentle?  Who else is told to be gentle?  Of course Jesus was gentle when he called the little children to come to Him but don't forget that He is also described as gentle (Matthew 11:29, 2 Corinthians 10:1). Who else? 

         Timothy (1 Timothy 6:11)
         God's approved workman ( 2 Timothy 2:25)   
         Women  (1 Peter 3:4 )
         All believers (Titus 3:1-2) 
         Elders/Overseers/Bishops (1 Timothy 3:2-3)

You won't need an exhaustive list but take a moment and make it plain to the kids that the wise (James  3:13) and pleasing disciple is a gentle person.  

Who in your life is gentle with you?  Who are you gentle with?  When are you tempted to be rough and not gentle?  Is it wrong to "roughhouse?"  Kids need to know the difference between the joyful, harmless rough and ready play that they need and enjoy and the kind of "play" that is careless, rough, thoughtless and causes harm.  One way to help them sort it out is with role play.  Have them imagine good and bad scenarios where they could be "rough." For instance the difference in running a little kid over during tag and a full-contact football game.

Insights: 

We live in a confused world.  Our society can not make up its mind about gender.  Scientists define gender with DNA.  Feminists insist that gender is a societal construct (in other words something imaginary that our society imposes on us from the outside).  And from exposure to our society's sexual sin, many have gained the impression that gender is fluid.  

When you put these things in a bag and shake them, what comes out is true disorientation.  Boys especially are pushed more and more into rigid boxes of masculinity that don't include virtues that are powerfully godly.  Anger is allowed but sorrow is not.  Excess is allowed but chivalry is not.  Stoicism is allowed but gentleness is not. 

It is important as you discuss things with your kids, male and female, that you present them with a throughly Christian worldview of gender.  For instance, Jesus and David are both pictured as shepherds-rough outdoor work.  Yet both of them wept.  Strength is not always stoic.  They are pictured as both caring for the little lambs and strong and brave to fight off the lions.  They are flourishing, thriving men.  Abigail, Lydia, Mary and Martha, and the Proverbs 31 woman provide a picture of the complexities of being female.  They are hard-workers, skilled in many crafts and business; they work inside and outside their homes, are married and single, and specifically in Mary and Martha's case are honored disciples!

God created gender.  It is in our DNA and we have God-given roles to fulfill.  But we must not let anyone in or out of the church simplify gender to a shadow of what God ordained.    

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The "Why" Matters, Identity Matters, Compassion Matters, Kindness Matters, Humility Matters, Gentleness Matters, Patience Matters, Bearing with One Another Matters, Forgiveness Matters

Humility Matters

Devotional 5 focuses on a topic that is hard for adults to comprehend: humility.  This devotional, like the others, is timed for less than 10 minutes, but feel free to slow down if your kids are older or have a longer attention span.  Parents, your notes are in italics.  Happy studying! 

Humility Matters 

To Do: Read Colossians 3:1-4.  Say the verses aloud once or twice. If you've been doing these steadily, you should be getting close to being able to say the verses with some prompting. Then read Colossians 3:12-14.

Questions to Ask: 

*What does it mean to be humble? Be sure and read the dictionary definition aloud after the kids have a chance to brainstorm. Rick Warren and C.S. Lewis both have thoughts on the topic worth exploring.  

* If humility  is the opposite of pride, how was Jesus humble? Direct the kids to first think of the reasons Jesus could have had pride.  This will lead them to see how He went in an opposite direction.  Answers could include: He could have had pride in being God or in how much He knew, or in having God's favor, but instead he was born in a stable, submitted to His parents, and resisted the devil's urges to be prideful (Luke 1-4).  Be sure and take a moment to look up any stories that they don't remember the details of. 

*What do you have that you might be prideful about?  Recognize here that our real gifts are also real temptations to pride.  Answers will be individual to the child but might include being good at a sport, being smart, being pretty/handsome, having lots of friends, nice things/toys.

*What does it mean to be humble when we are victorious?  How is that like/not like being a good sport? Is it wrong to want to win?

*How can an adult be humble?  How can a child?    Take this time to talk to your kids about how you show humility in your daily life.  Be sure and give them room to think about how they can. Be sure and encourage them to think about themselves rather than simply criticizing others.  

Insights:

Humility vs. pride is one of the many places where English fails us.  There is everything good about being responsible for excellence, i.e. "taking pride in a job”. It's good when parents feel joy in their children's growth and maturity, it.e. they are "proud of their kids." And pleasure in completing a challenging job?  That harmless joy is often called, "being proud of myself." These phrases and others uses the word "pride" or "proud" when in fact nothing sinful is meant. 

This truth though should not hide from our eyes the fact that pride is a real and present danger to our souls.  We cannot think we are better than any other saint or sinner.  We cannot imagine that in ourselves we are worthy of respect or honor.  We mustn't insist on the best or think ourselves above some simple job.  Our Savior shows the way here. 

Who, although He existed in the form of God, 

did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 

but emptied Himself,

taking the form of a bond-servant, 

and being made in the likeness of men. 

Being found in appearance as a man, 

He humbled Himself 

by becoming obedient to the point of death, 

even death on a cross. 

Philippians 2:6-8

Did you miss one? 

The "Why" Matters, Identity Matters, Compassion Matters, Kindness Matters, Humility Matters, Gentleness Matters, Patience Matters, Bearing with One Another Matters, Forgiveness Matters