Encouragement: Lessons learned

“You did it! Whooo!!!!  Great job!!”

Exclamation marks are the new early morning refrain at my house.  At the end of the summer I took a new job with VIPKid**.  I get up at about 4:40 and teach English to kids in China from 5-8.  I love it.

These kids have a lot to teach me.  One of the first lessons was a lesson in courage.  If you remember your high school Spanish class, you’ll remember that there is no stage fright to match the stage fright of speaking in a second language.  And if you think that is bad, standing in front of a classroom full of people who struggle just like you, imagine being 5 and forced to sit in front of a video camera and speak a second lanaguge to a native speaker for 25 minutes at a time.  Yikes.

What do you mean "NO sex"?!

Valentines Day-hearts, flowers, candy and dates--it’s the perfect time to rejoin the conversation about what God expects from Christians in terms of sex.  In our last pair of posts we answered one question from two perspectives: “Should I be having sex?”  Angela Legg from The Diligent Woman answered the married half of this question with a resounding, "Yes." I answered the single side with a resounding “No” (LINK).  Now it's time for some details.   If you are married, head over to Angela's post "How to Make Time for an Abundant Sex Life." If you are single, keep reading to learn more about God's vision for a single life. 

Maggie, Aretha and Kyla-Marriages in conflict over God

Let's imagine an ordinary Monday...

You wake up with a beautiful idea, a plan, a conviction from God. And you are ready to get started.  But then you remember that the last time you had one of these brilliant ideas your husband squashed you like a bug.  He hasn't even woken up and you can feel your resentment building.  You start flipping bacon and by the time he stumbles towards his morning cup of joe, your mood has turned bitter.  You've  already had the argument with him in your head, so why say anything at all!

Is that your story? 

When I wrote last week's post about what to do when you feel your husband isn't on board with your desire to serve God, I had lots of great conversation on Facebook, on the blog and in person. These talks taught me that this is even more difficult and controversial a topic than I imagined.  

How do I obey God when my husband isn't on board?

“How do I obey God when my husband isn’t on board?”

Even through the computer I could hear the despair in her voice.  I’ve been in “women’s ministry” a very long time, basically the whole of my adult life and it’s a question I’ve heard before.  I’ve heard it whispered as a woman of God told a hard truth about her husband.  I’ve heard it wailed as an angry woman complained about a godly man that she couldn’t get to do what she wanted.  I’ve heard a baby Christian wonder out loud how she is supposed to implement what she is learning in her non-Christian home. 

Some Bible questions are easy to answer (Does God love you? Yes.  No matter your situation the answer is always yes.) but some like this one are thorny.  I can’t begin to help a woman come to an answer without knowing her, her situation, and her husband.  And dear reader, as much as I think about you and pray for you, I don’t KNOW you.  But we can talk about some principles straight from God’s word so you can apply them to your own relationship with God and your husband.

Should I be having sex?

Should I be having sex?  

No.  If you are single, sisters, the answer is simply “No.”  

No, if you are in your teens and your health teachers explain that abstinence is an unhealthy, old-fashioned, unrealistic idea. 

No, if you are in your 20s and engaged or considering moving in with your boyfriend.

No, if you are in your 30 or 40s and still single or single again.

No, if you are 50s or 60s or older and left alone by a spouse's death.  

To the unmarried God simply says, “No.”

(If this list doesn’t apply to you, sweet sister, because you are married, I really encourage you to go read the YES! side of this post written by my friend Angela at the Dilligent Woman.)

Frequently Asked Questions

Orders

Why 12.99?  

That's easy.  It's the price that the publisher set.  I am under contract to sell at the same price!

Is there a class discount?  

Yes!  At 15 books the price drops to $11.09  per book and at 25 the price drops to $10.39.  And don't forget until October 6th there are a couple of special bonuses for teachers who are purchasing for a class. 

I didn't get my bonuses?  Where are they?

Step 1: Check your promotions and spam tags.  If your email doesn't recognize mine sometimes things get misdirected!
Step 2: Email me.  I will send them to you another way if you can't find them!  I really don't want you to miss out!

How can I buy? 

Women of Action:

Wait isn't this a ladies Bible class book?  Why would I buy it as an individual?  

I love this question!  For several reasons, one because you study on your own.  Each lesson half of the questions are set for individuals.  Second because as lovely as a ladies Bible class is not everyone is able to attend one!  Maybe you teach a Wednesday night 4th grade class, are homebound, your church doesn't have one or it's on Tuesdays and you have to work!  Studying when YOU can matters! Finally, presents.  Christmas is coming and I know that there are women in your life you'd like to encourage!  This would be an excellent spiritual gift!

Would this be an appropriate book for a teenage girls class?

I think its a perfect book for teenage girls in their own class or with older women. I am a big proponent of bringing your teenager girls INTO your ladies Bible class if at all possible so they can be discipled by the older women. With the possible exception of the lesson called, "Single, Married and Single Again", there is nothing remotely inappropriate for teenagers.  Even that lesson doesn't begin to be as explicit as my daughter's Freshman Health class. Yikes!  

Why is it a perfect book? Well, little kids learn to read their Bibles as a story book.  Young teens learn to read their Bibles as a rule book, what they should and shouldn't do.  Older teens need to learn to read their Bibles in a whole new way.  They need to see the magnificent self-revelation of God and learn to love Him with all their hearts, souls, strength and mind and they need to see how His word is relevant to every aspect of their lives and their behavior.

Would this be a good book for someone who is elderly or homebound?

I hope so.  I can see that by the title you might think that this book would only be for folks who had the strength and health to "work for the Lord."  But in fact it's about changing our hearts so that the word of God is applied to every aspect of our lives.  Every Christian can benefit from this message.  I hope that the questions will encourage everyone to stretch not to frantic activity but to careful application to their own situation with its blessings and limitations. 

Questions from the Heart

I would really like to apply some of these things but my husband is not on board...

You know what? The secret is to find ways to obey God in our challenging situations.  But I don't want to get into that right now.  I promise I am about to write an ENTIRE post about this.  For every sister out there who has in her mind this ardent desire to serve God yet finds herself sidelined because her husband has other plans, hang on.  We are going to talk about it, I promise. 

Does this book address motivation?  It's where I struggle the most.

Me too.  In fact, that's kind of why I wrote the book.  I want to be transformed. I want to live for God wholeheartedly every day but some days I forget and think that I want to be a couch potato who eats doughnuts and reads her book, a big ole' baby who gets to pout when her plans are changed or a whiner instead of a powerful warrior in prayer.  We all sometimes let that old man, that person with a heart of stone (Ezekiel 36:26) peak through. To answer specifically the two chapters at the beginning and the chapters entitled "Sin in the Life of a Christian"and "New Creatures" address the topic of what motivates us.  And each chapter tries to find the deep motivation of loving God at the heart of all our obedience to Him. 

Does it work?

My marriage is in trouble. If we started coming to church, do you think it would work?

I’ve got a kid who is breaking my heart. If I prayed for him, do you think it would work?

I’ve got cancer and I’m really scared to die. If I asked God to heal me, do you think it would work?

Does it work?  

That is a question I have heard before.  It’s a question that hurts me because it so often comes from a  place of immense pain and fear.  But I’m sorry to say it’s the wrong question. Why? Because it implies that we are willing to serve God if it will work (IE if we will get what we want.) 

The end of a love story

The love story isn't over.

After 59 years and 11 months, after children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, after countless adventures and the quiet wasting years, she is gone. 

He was at church today.  Sitting alone.  He hasn't been there in months.  He has spent every Sunday morning at the nursing home with her.  Their pew sat empty awaiting a return that simply never happened. Seeing him today sitting by his son was bitter sweet.  We were all glad to have him but he was displaced.

Displaced is just the word.  He seems lost right now without her. It's no wonder.  He was married to her three times as long as he was alive without her.  

Wanted: A Peacemaker

I was all set to write a post on peacemaking.We have been talking a lot about how to be a Christian in our modern world.  There was a post on women's value, another on whether Christians should engage in the swirling debate, and a Biblical rubric for social media.  That's not to mention the posts on fear and tamales. 

 Peacemaking fits right in because more than anything (except Jesus Christ) this country needs a peace maker.  Someone who can bring about reconciliation.  Someone who can lead by example.  Someone who can forgive, whose ego takes a back seat.  Someone who will stand up for God's way but sit down and listen to others' points of view.

But that is not today's post.

Sister, Value Yourself

My sweet sister, value yourself.  

Women have been at the forefront of the news.  Not only because of the rise of LGBT, the resurgence of the "reproductive rights", and the recent Women's march but because so many women young and old feel devalued.

It's no wonder we feel devalued.  We have sold the truth for a lie (Proverbs 23:23).  

Women are devalued when they are exploited, taught that they are only valuable as sexual objects.  It happens when women read porn; it happens when women become porn.  It happens when women believe (and so dress) as if their boobs were more valuable than their brains.  You think women's education is disrupted by enforcing a dress code?  I think girls struggle to receive an education when our society and their parents have encouraged them to think of themselves as 16 year old sex objects instead of 16 year old scholars. The lie: A woman's value lies in her attractiveness.  The truth: Women are intrinsically valuable-humans made in the image of God.

Women are devalued when they believe that they are victims, constantly attacked and belittled so they should take up arms and militantly defend their rights.  The women of God, like the men of God are meek.  We are spiritual warriors, mighty in prayer.  When we suffer in the world, our Father takes up our cause.  The lie: Men and the paternalistic society are our enemies and we must fight even harder for our rights.  The truth: Women are often mistreated in the this world.  Yet the women of God seek justice at the throne of God and stand in peace for those who are mistreated, brother and sister alike. 

Women are devalued when they categorize themselves.  To the single some mutter, "Why can't you find a man?  Without a family you are nothing." To the married others mutter "The man you married has made you barefoot and pregnant, a servant in your own house." Women are never nothing.  Each one has the potential to become a daughter of the King, priests of our God, holy, mighty in prayer.  We are not only the nurturers of life, we can bring people to new life.  The lie: Our worth is found in our marriage or in our career.  The truth: Whether we are in the workplace, in our home or out having fun, we are all servants in God's house.  Checking the box, "married" or "single" will never be as important as serving Him well. 

Women devalue themselves by choosing lie over truth.

Let me tell you the truth, sisters.  You are of immense value.  Your Father adores you and wants you to becoming everything you can be.  But that "everything" isn't skinny, or curvy, married or single or any other category that the world trumpets.  God's everything is holy, self-controlled, peaceful, meek, powerful and gentle.   God's everything reflects His character and is empowered by His Spirit.  The truth will set you free from the world's expectations and bring you into your Father's light. 

So let me beg you sisters, value yourself because the Father values you.  

  

Preparing Heart Songs: A guest post by Susan Elliott

If you recall last week, I reviewed an anthology of short fiction, essays and poetry edited by Susan Elliott.  Well, today I have a treat for you.  Susan wrote a post for MaidservantsofChrist all about the process.  Enjoy. 

Let me just say, wow! Putting together an anthology has been a huge learning curve. I had the idea for an anthology from Church of Christ Women Authors (COCWA) in 2015. I think I first mentioned it to Monica Mynk during a YouTube author interview a long time before I announced it on the website. She encouraged me to go for it, so I did. 

One cool thing about the Heart Songs Anthology is that it is full of material from all genres of writing.  It was an opportunity for any Christian woman writer to let her voice be heard. I love the variety of short stories, articles and poetry. It includes authors like Sandi Rog, Carol Shaw, Lynn Nodima, and of course Helene Smith. One thing I wanted to do with the anthology was to make sure that the writers retained their rights to their works. I want them to be able to enter contests, publish their own books, or share them in any way that they want. So, I didn’t garnish them in any way. 

The Only Happy Wife

This post dates from several years ago but seemed to be a perfect way to end our mini-series on marriage. I am thrilled to share with you that the dear daughter in this story is now our sister in Christ.  

Recently I sat at the kitchen table and had a belly-laugh with my husband.  The two of us are sometimes like conjoined twins.  Except backwards.  Two bodies, one brain with the same bizarre sense of humor.  I could try to explain the joke; it was all about prayer, confession and this book we've been reading, but I assure you it would fall flat. Snorting, I laid my head down on the kitchen table catching a glance of my eldest daughter rolling her eyes at her crazy parents. 

Equal Partners

I have two girls, an elementary-aged homeschooler and a teen in public school.  I tell them both (ad nauseum) “Don’t even DATE anyone who doesn’t love Jesus more than you.”  You may believe I am an old stick in the mud, but it is actually the adventure of living with God that has convinced me more than anything else of the wisdom of this idea.

Every Day a Birthday

My husband had a birthday recently.  Since our birthdays are close together, we had gone on one big date in lieu of gifts. (Dates are precious when you have three children!). However, I still wanted his day to special.  Earlier in the week, I made a birthday cake and prepared the custard for homemade ice cream.  On his birthday, I was sure to get up early enough to make his breakfast and get the ice cream freezer going.  I hummed happily as I thought about the homemade manicotti I would make later.  My husband repeated an oft heard (but never true) statement: “You’re too good to me.” I retorted, “Maybe, but I enjoy doing things for you.” That’s when it hit me.

"I am my Beloved's, and His Desire is for Me"

Most of the time, our posts here at Maidservants of Christ are perfectly appropriate for readers of all ages.  But today in our series on marriage, we'll be speaking of the more intimate parts of the marriage relationship.  If your child likes to read over your shoulder, today might be the day to read in your room.  As a follow up to our review of the e-course "Becoming More Sexually Engaged - For Christian wives," here is a reprint of the Make a Difference Monday post on the same topic that first got us in contact with the author of the course. 

Learning to Say Yes

Every once in a while, we have a post here on Maidservants of Christ that is rated PG-13 for adult situations.  This is one such post.  If you normally let your child read over your shoulder, you might want to save this one for a more private setting.

I was raised a “good girl.” Brought up in church, I got the yearly lessons about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Being a people pleaser and rule follower from the start, I generally followed the guidelines given to me (except the rock and roll part – I couldn’t stay away from Elvis!). Like many Christian girls with this background, I took a certain pride in my sexual purity.  I was a virgin until I was married, and I’ve only ever been with my husband. I may struggle with other sins, but sexual sin is not a problem! 

Top 10 Couples: A Book Review

A few weeks ago, we talked about the biographical method of Bible study, and how we can learn from the lives of Biblical characters and apply their lessons to our lives.   In preparation for our discussions about marriage, I read a book that takes that theory and applies it to couples.  In 
The Top 10 Most Outrageous Couples of the Bible: And How Their Stories Can Revolutionize Your Marriage, David Clarke takes a look at ten marriages in the Bible and what we can learn from them.  Some of the lessons are positive (you should do this in your marriage), and some are more negative (please don't do this in your marriage), and all of them have the advantage of being grounded in Scripture while still being applicable to our 21st century lives.  

"I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me"

Most of the time, our posts here at Maidservants of Christ are perfectly appropriate for readers of all ages.  But today in our series on marriage, we'll be speaking of the more intimate parts of the marriage relationship.  If your child likes to read over your shoulder, today might be the day to read in your room.  

He Does What He Said He Would Do

She grows frailer by the day.  The vigorous outdoor activities that they loved to do together are far beyond her now as is rising from the couch, bathing herself and using the toilet alone. 

He's a macho guy with health problems of his own, but these days he's her whole world.  With the tenderness of a mother and the strength of father, he tends to her.  He's an indifferent cook, so often he wheels her out to the truck and gently levers her inside for a run through the drive through.

You and Me Forever: A Book Review

When I saw You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis and Lisa Chan, I was immediately on board.  His most famous book, Crazy Love, convicted me, called me out and crushed me. I expected nothing less from this foray into the common area of Christian advice on marriage.