What do you mean "NO sex"?!

Valentines Day-hearts, flowers, candy and dates--it’s the perfect time to rejoin the conversation about what God expects from Christians in terms of sex.  In our last pair of posts we answered one question from two perspectives: “Should I be having sex?”  Angela Legg from The Diligent Woman answered the married half of this question with a resounding, "Yes." I answered the single side with a resounding “No” (LINK).  Now it's time for some details.   If you are married, head over to Angela's post "How to Make Time for an Abundant Sex Life." If you are single, keep reading to learn more about God's vision for a single life. 

Christmas In the Middle of a Mess

Have you ever been in the middle of a mess?

I don’t mean a polite middle class mess where you roll your eyes and complain with the other moms about decorations that aren’t up or a Pinterest masterpiece turned into burnt offering.  I mean the sort of mess that buries you in shame.  

In the middle of a mess like that we feel entirely unloveable.  We are convinced that if someone knew the truth we would be a pariah.  We hide.  We lie.  We try frantically to clean up our chaos hoping against hope that somehow no one will notice.  We tell ourselves all kinds of stories that start with "bad luck" and end with "never again" and some of them are even true. 

A Cold and Graceless Way?

Read the Bible.

Do what it says.

Does that sound...well cold to you?

Or legalistic?

Or graceless?

Like it is too simple to work?

It is.  Up to now we've left out one very crucial aspect.

Did you miss the first two videos?  Video 1        Video 2

Subscribe now to get the subscriber-only bonus!

Helene

PS.Are you looking for the book we were talking about?  We are running a Give-a-Gift, Get-a-Gift promotion. Check it out! 

Catch me linking up at: Darling Down Diaries,Friday Frivolity, Create with Joy, Mommy Moments, Sunday Thoughts, Create with Joy, Inspiration Monday,  

Identity Matters

Devotional 2 brings us face to face with a powerful motivator: Identity.  This devotional, like the others, is timed for less than 10 minutes, but feel free to slow down if your kids are older or have a longer attention span.  Parents your notes are in italics.  Happy studying!

Identity matters:

To Do: 

Read Colossians 3:1-4.  Say them aloud once or twice and see if anyone can recite the first verse on their own.  Then read Colossians 3:12-14.

Questions to ask:

*Why should we be good?  Expect kids to say things like, “so we can go to heaven,” “so we don’t go to Hell,” “Because God said so,” and “So we don’t get in trouble.”  Even though these aren’t the answers in the text, don’t hesitate to praise kids for any answer on topic. 

*Why does Paul say we should do all these behaviors?  If the kids don’t come up with “because we are chosen” and “because we are holy and dearly loved” read the passage to them again and ask what Paul said exactly.  

*How were we chosen by God? (Ephesians 1:3-6)

*What does it mean to be holy? Don’t worry if the kids don’t know a good definition.  Emphasize that the idea is that God is without mistake, without sin, without an ugly thought or an ill intention.  He is perfect and complete.  We are, in our unredeemed state, as unholy as can be.  Yet when we were raised up with Christ we were declared holy.  Now, in these verses, Paul calls us to live up to the family standard. 

*Can you point to a Bible verse that says we are beloved?  (John 3:16 and many more)

Insights: Notice what Paul does not say, he doesn’t say, "Be kind or go to hell!" or "Be compassionate or God will get you!" The powerful truth that our sin separates us from God and can cause us horrifying consequences is not the only truth.  It is also true that we are cleansed, raised, beloved and holy. We are driven by that identity to become more like our Father and to imitate our elder Brother.  

Kids can understand this point in two important ways.  First in a family we have certain standards.  For instance in our family obedience and kindness are powerfully important.  Other people may talk back or snap and snarl at one another but in our family that is unacceptable. When we become Christians we join God’s family which has its own standards of behavior.  Paul is saying since we are beloved children in the family of God we have to act like it!

Second, kids can understand that they are grounded in the love of God.   Lots of times we are less than kind, less than compassionate because we feel threatened.  Someone’s action leave us questioning our worth and value so we attack back.  Yet when we really understand that the Creator of the entire Universe chose us and calls us His dearly loved ones, nothing anyone else has to say about our identity matters. 

Did you miss one? 

The "Why" Matters, Identity Matters, Compassion Matters, Kindness Matters, Humility Matters, Gentleness Matters, Patience Matters, Bearing with One Another Matters, Forgiveness Matters

Welcome to the Jungle: Righteousness and Social Media

I don't have to tell you that the general trend of conversation on social media has become less civil, do I?  Not just impolite, on both sides of the aisle I have seen Christians carried away into bitter and hateful speech.   Before you ask, there are Christians who vote both Democrat and Republican, not to mention independents like myself.  

Even more recently I have heard people suggest that the answer to the problem is to simply delete our Facebook accounts or to stay out of politics all together.  I sympathize.  On my personal account I have dealt with the vitriol by not responding to other's political posts and posting less and less as the bile grew.  

Then I saw a friend who was hurting; all metaphor aside politics has been giving her a stomach ache.  The word compassion in Greek means "From the gut." She is living it out.  As we chatted,  I realized I was part of the problem.  In my silence, I had let her and others believe that they were alone.

Modern Day Jonahs

Last week, we took a look at our children’s favorite prophet, Jonah.  He had been commanded by God to prophesy to his people’s enemy, the Assyrians, and he was not happy about it.  Even after he obeyed and went to Nineveh, he wanted God to wipe out the people of the city instead of forgive them.  God was not pleased with Jonah’s attitude, and as I watch my social media feeds, I can’t think that He is too happy with some American Christians and their attitude toward Muslims either.

Free To Love

During bible class at camp my husband said this, "To be required to do something is drudgery. To be given the ability to do something is freedom.  And freedom brings great joy."  I was thought it was wise and wrote it down.  I asked him later if it would be ok if I blogged about it. "Wise? Me?" he replied and then graciously gave his permission. 

Battling Hate

Hate.  It's like the rash from the black plague.  Contagious, obvious to everyone who passes by, hard to treat, and sign of a fatal illness. 

And our country is brimming with it. 

I can't make it half a scroll down my Facebook feed and I see another angry post.  I wish I could say that it was just the lost hating each other.  That at least would be normal.  

But instead what I see is the Christians I know becoming angrier and angrier at the world around them. 

And it's not even election year. 

On this Make a Difference Monday I would like to suggest some practical things that Christians should remember about hate. 

Top 10 Couples: A Book Review

A few weeks ago, we talked about the biographical method of Bible study, and how we can learn from the lives of Biblical characters and apply their lessons to our lives.   In preparation for our discussions about marriage, I read a book that takes that theory and applies it to couples.  In 
The Top 10 Most Outrageous Couples of the Bible: And How Their Stories Can Revolutionize Your Marriage, David Clarke takes a look at ten marriages in the Bible and what we can learn from them.  Some of the lessons are positive (you should do this in your marriage), and some are more negative (please don't do this in your marriage), and all of them have the advantage of being grounded in Scripture while still being applicable to our 21st century lives.  

Lovers of Pleasure Rather Than Lovers of God

We've explored the question here before of what it means to really love God, yet when I ran across this phrase in 2 Timothy 3:4, "lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God," I was stunned.

It would be easy to dismiss this verse without carefully considering it.  Obviously it does not mean that we are supposed to give up all earthly pleasures and joys.  A good steak, a snuggle with a sleepy toddler, a porch swing, a concert, a sunset, these simple pleasures are surely not what God had in mind here. 

You and Me Forever: A Book Review

When christianaudio.com was offering You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis and Lisa Chan as their monthly free offering, I was immediately on board.  His most famous book, Crazy Love, convicted me, called me out and crushed me. I expected nothing less from this foray into the common area of Christian advice on marriage. 

This isn't the first (or fifth for that matter) book on Christian marriage I've read.  Lots of them have good advice, sensible action plans and are immediately applicable to both the Christian and non-Christian wife.  A few of them have even convinced me that in some matter or the other I was not being the wife God called me to be. 

Chan's book wasn't like that.  He and his wife wrote nothing that could be considered as simple as "good advice" and little that was applicable to a non-Christian except the idea that if you aren't serving God, you're missing out.  The whole book can be summed up like this: "Stop being so obsessed with your marriage."

Surprised?  I was. 

Chan never hesitates to be countercultural, and the book begins with the premise that the purpose of marriage is to bring glory to God. Thus if our marriage is a success in every other way - happy, peaceful, prosperous and fruitful - yet we push God to the side, all we have done is set up an idol.  He states that we are likely to consider our families as coming in a "close second" to our love for God.  That too he says is a symptom of our idolatry of the family.  God should be first, loved far and away more than any good gift he gave us, including the gift of a loving spouse and wonderful children.  The chapter on parenting echoes this theme.  Chan says that it is no wonder that we lose our children to the world when our priorities make it clear that we love them more than Jesus.   Why shouldn't they place their own wants and needs above God as well?

Within this framework Francis and his wife Lisa make some powerful and convicting points, beginning with this stinging verse. 

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5

Although the verse is not in context applied to families, the Chans point out that any time I set myself up in a proud way (say for example in an argument I insist I am right, or I get all caught up in what I do or don't deserve) that I have in fact set myself up as the opponent of God not my husband.  And guess what happens to the opponents of God?  They lose.  On the other hand, any time I can be humble in my home, God is prepared to show favor to me.  Chan gives no guarantee this this will automatically produce a blissful marriage; if only one spouse is humbly seeking God, marriage could still be a place of suffering. However, it is impossible to succeed with God as your opponent.

Lisa also tells the story of once asking her husband what one thing would make her a better wife. He said, she should rely more on God and less on him.  She goes on to explain that she was looking to him for comfort, for peace, for security and for joy. However, she should have BROUGHT all those things to her marriage from a rich life with God, not demanded them from her very human husband.

The point that spoke most to me was the chapter on the mission. Lots of marriage books point out that couples are happier when two things are true: they share dreams for the future, and they share hobbies or interests. In a twist, You and Me Forever says there is no dream worth dreaming except that we'd all make it to heaven, no hobby or interest that beats our desire to fulfill God's mission on earth.  Marriages that glorify God make that easier as people see peace and joy in our home. Self-focused and idolatrous marriages are too interested in soccer, vacations, and getting more STUFF to even notice that the world is literally going to Hell all around them. The years we were abroad were marked (as I hope these years in America will be) by a unity between us because, as the Chans put it, we were too BUSY serving God to obsess about our marriage.

This is not a book I'd recommend to non-Christians.  Unlike other titles on the Christian bookstores marriage shelves, it has little to aid a troubled marriage from a secular point of view.  Yet for a Christian it is the perfect wake-up call.  Challenging, convicting and crushing, it pointed me upward to God-his spirit and his work- instead of inward to my own hopes and hurts. 

Helene

Parable of the Trolls Explained

Actually, the story probably doesn't need much explaining. (Did you miss the original story?  Check it out HERE) The problem isn't recognizing trollish-ness, but in knowing what to do about it.  However, before we can address the trolls we see in our church pews, on the internet, or in our own hearts, we have to know what attitudes and misunderstandings cause troll-ish behavior in the first place. 

Puppy Love

2 weeks before Christmas, we adopted a puppy.  She's a 4 month old terrier mix named Toffee. Let me just tell you, nobody can love like a puppy.  She may be the only creature on the planet who loves my husband as ridiculously as I do.  (His mom is close but she has two more girls to love, and for Toffee, he is the entire universe).

Through Jesus's Eyes

I read an article on Huffington Post recently (not my normal reading fare, but it was recommended a few times) where the author talked about looking at her possessions with new eyes.  She talked of putting on her "perspectacles," and seeing her home as a blessing bordering on miraculous instead of a place that needs constant cleaning and updating.  Lately, I've been wanting to put on some perspectacles of my own, but instead of seeing my stuff differently, I'd like to see people differently.  I want to see the people around me as Jesus sees them.

Blinded by Culture

Sometimes when we live in a new place, experience a new stage of life (like marriage or becoming a mother) or meet a new challenge, we gain insight into a Biblical truth.  My years of living abroad were rife with these.  Walking through the outdoor market, I could imagine Jesus's temple - smelly, bleating and filled with sly dealings.  Meeting in homes in secret, I could imagine the joy and terror of being a first century Christian.  More than these imaginings, I also learned a lot about eastern culture and its connection to the world of the Old Testament and the New. 

Hell is for Real

Startling:

People are going to Hell. Literally.  Look around.  That guy who sits down the table from you at lunch, the lady behind you in the line at Walmart, that cute family who visited at your church last week, your Aunt Susie, they could all be headed for Hell.

Do I have your attention? 

Splash

Splash.  Drowsy, I turned over. What was that strange sound?  Beeps, the swish of lab coats, the whispers of nurses, that all made sense.  

Splash.  I opened one eyelid and saw the man walk by with a red plastic bucket. He placed it beside his wife's bed. He picked up the thermos that the nurses filled every morning with boiled water. Carefully he mixed the hot and cold to bring the water in the bucket to a bearable temperature.  Peeling back the covers, he slipped off her pajama bottoms.  Murmuring to her, he dipped the rag in the warm water and started to wash.

No Woman is an Island

No man is an island.  That's what John Donne said in his famous poem.  Each person is so connected to the whole that the death of anyone diminishes us all.  While I might not go as far as the poet, I certainly agree that our actions have ripples far beyond what we may ever know.  Long before Donne asked for whom the bell tolls, Peter gave the early Christians a reminder about how much our lives can affect others. 

Mirroring the God of Comfort

Last week, we took a look at how God comforts his children, even when they are suffering for their own sin.  The Israelites suffered when the Babylonians took them into exile for forty years, and God gave them words of comfort, even though they were exiled because of their idolatry and materialism.  Christians today suffer for their sins too.  Sometimes we experience the discipline of the Lord or the discipline of His church.  Sometimes we just suffer the natural consequences of our sins. It can be difficult to feel compassion for someone who brings suffering on herself, but if our Father is in the comforting business, we should be too. 

Character of God: Love

Love is a four-letter word.  It stinks when people love you. When they violate all your carefully laid out defenses, storm past your walls and demand, no force you to do what they know you should.  That kind of messy, powerful love is rare in people of any stripe and nearly unheard of in our hyper-independent American culture.